1. |
Baby Lucid
03:12
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2. |
Small and Confused
05:39
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there's a slant in my shoulders
from that oversized bookbag
and as I look through the folder
those days scratch their heads
and wave a white flag
I can't remember what the hell we were doing there
I searched the folder to remind me of where
I know they took us to the auditorium
they put alarms on every door
I remember a hippie teacher
she threw a chair into the floor
when college came I was still an idiot
now my diploma's with my underwear in the drawer
As I look through all I see
are report cards filled with B's
I try to think to do something else
that isn't dusting off the shelf
I should've homeschooled myself
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3. |
Notice the Focus
03:56
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I was born a little boy
but I was made from Santa's toys
see me there on the assembly line
there is no light
and something isn't right
but I still have my little soul
but it takes two to make a whole
I have a wooden heart
it never got hit by the dart
of the signs that they're beginning to align
it's gonna make them notice the focus
right now bound
they're cutting off my limbs
they're trying to keep me there
on the assembly line
that's dark as night
and something isn't right
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4. |
Chlorine
04:23
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see you in the hall
you lean your locker in a muse
(i'll tie my shoes)
wishing in your blond and blue
and guiding with my knee
(he looks right at me)
and through our eyes
i saw you
Hyacinthus in a daydream
do you know my name?
i know you but
i'm too small to expect anything more
as you carry on
sophomore year is new
and you're in my swimming class
(it's just like skipping mass)
thinking of the locker room ahead
and the shower, the grief
(will I have to shed my fig leaf?)
before we changed
i puked in the bathroom sink
no room for love
my belly knew
gym teacher counts the heads
but I am gone
ran through a door
it set off an alarm
that no one heard
buried my key
deep in the ground
it grew into a lock
where the flowers will never be found
this sterile love
is going nowhere
it brings no fodder
sterile love
sitting in a jar of chlorine water
my seeds fell from me
onto the sidewalk
didn't land on no dirt
the birds ate them up
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5. |
Thank You For Everything
03:20
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i had a dream
it scared the life from me
i laid in my bed
with pillows on my head
and the weeping bled
I held my hand
with the love I had planned
put it in a cup
it overflowed from a river and a flood
that tilled your land
you put oil on my head
and you said,
"Darling don't you weep,
let me rock you to sleep"
a lonely kid found a friend
look at them go
playing in the snow
the clouds gave for free
so every tear will have its smile
and every hand will be held
even if it takes the longest while
whoever beats the heart in the chest
will let the child rest
and so whatever life may bring
i will say, thank you for everything
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6. |
Egregore
03:57
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something was new
in the wrong/strange kind of way
it was like deja vu
but the change was a mistake
the crows flying low
near the oil drill
the sunrise was red
and a cardinal let out a shrill
something is wrong
the moon has been full
for so many damn days
but i'm moving along
I'll read through the burns
and get out of the way
the kids are depressed
Billie sings their dirge
no one knows what's next/left
but what's buried must emerge
a bomb in the stone
a white spider crawled up an old cedar tree
now the gift is a loan
the Reaper wore sweatpants
and signed for the fees
something is wrong
nobody weeps
but their faces are long
it's boiling beneath
they're clenching their fists
and I'm clenching my teeth
this ain't about the flesh
or the blood
but the dead born from the mud
you've gotta circle once to know you're lost
unless you turn the circle to a spiral
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7. |
The Letter
03:35
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i had to write you a letter
my only friend
you should’ve only had one til the end
but the wrong world made you pretend
you've lost all of your lavender
you've grown from your joy
something grows
and something's gotta cave
so I write you forever a boy
from beyond the grave
do you remember
the flowers we grew in the shed?
do you remember
the stems you hid under your bed?
the priest turned you against me
our smiles were wrong
only for those whose smiles ended in pain
you turned your head away
so what did you feel
when I jumped off the train???
do you remember?
why would you regret?!
do you remember?
how could you forget?!
why would you leave me?
do you remember?
my sun will never set
do you remember?
i'll never forget
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8. |
Healthy Family
03:21
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healthy family, what do you see?
looking down the pink of your knee
children growing up, everyone's there
can't you see the gold in your hair??
i never did it right
to hug all my home
when it fell into fences
i lost all my senses
and buried my gold in the ground
where the healthy family played in the snow
golden light in the Sunday glow
a father's memories of being a child
a mother's smile, tender and mild
I didn't know it would end so fast
to be young with a distant past
healthy family without a crow
something new one day I'll grow
I see them everywhere
together forever
or so I had thought for myself
I tried to be tough
I wouldn't be the rain
no blood to my feet
with their purpled veins
but as death drew near
my legs were losing their firm
a shaking little boy in me
i fell to my blackened knees
and wailed for you
and my knees turned pink again
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9. |
The Everlasting King
06:48
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Lord, we've left you bones
Mammon has cradled you unknown
but we've grown too big to live in doubt
no random fluke remembers home
and that lead me to you
I followed the clues
through Tudor winds and Calvin's curse
his factory, his megachurch
you say to me,
it's getting worse
so stay small while you can
You lead my baby hand into the truth
too strange for my baby head to understand
Long ago
there was a child
his heart was smuggled from his grave
they peeked through cowls, in golden wine
it started beating blood into the vine
they prayed in fear
'Lord, don't leave us here'
You lead my baby head to the fall
too small for my baby heart to comprehend
I feel my circle world turn to a spiral
frustrated light, I fall on my face
but you say,
stay calm, and come with me
who else could lead
but the newborn king?
fear fell in love
through the flames returned the son
the father in joy at last
he said, "you tried to grow too fast,
now put on your new gown
it's time to take the cross from your crown"
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10. |
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Noël,
you have left me alone with your fir tree
your needles shiver
in the dark of my old neighborhood
in the streetlights
through my tear-blurry eyes
I see a sunrise
where needles fall down
to melt the Christmas snow
that buried me in grief
for the lamb
I have to, but don't want to drag you to the alley
I'll keep your tinsel on to shine your broken branches
When the day comes, they will take you home in the trash bag
and I will walk to the house where I grew up
and look through the window
and see you in the wreath on the repainted wall
I've fallen
and what I fall through is you
in my neighborhood
where Christmas is over for good
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11. |
The Future Is Clear
04:18
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i don't know what the Future holds
its fragile hands carry our load
but it's growing old
someday soon
it'll have to let it go
oh, Future, i know your name
you shouldn't have to burden the blame
our tiny game
to make a moment with our hands
that disappears with our glance
you shouldn't have to live
in the shadow of the youth of the past
marred and gone
drop it all and make yourself a youth
of the world
the smallest dove i've ever seen
growing your wings so wide
our wishes in the dust we’ll never find
we fooled ourselves
so everyone fell down to pray
the day the Future flew away
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The Carmelittles Chicago, Illinois
a practical band for normal people
ˢᴾᴼᵀᴵᶠʸ, ᴵᵀᵁᴺᴱˢ, ᴬᴺᴰ ᴹᴼᴿᴱ:
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